he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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