Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
