Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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