...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
