I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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