Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So much rum. So many feels.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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