We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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