You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
