There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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