Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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