apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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