Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
