I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
