It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
