this beer tastes like vomit already
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
