my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
