At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
