return my video game
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
