Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
