Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
