I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
not ubering you a puppy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
