it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
