just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
