roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize