I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I understand Curling. That high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
