Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
