is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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