My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
