everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
