God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
