is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
