"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
