Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
