You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
