My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
