God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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