In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
im on a boat
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