I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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