3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
