Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
