I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
