I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
