I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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