I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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