I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
