Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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