How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
