She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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