Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
