i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
