I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
