she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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