Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
