I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
