I want to make a zoo with you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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