We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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