threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
