there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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