I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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