why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
