He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
