..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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