white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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